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Difficult Conversations Phrase Card: What to Say to an Angry Owner (Printable)

A printable one-page phrase card for Florida condo and HOA managers and boards: what to say to acknowledge, slow down, hold the line and set a boundary.

Keep this card by the phone or at the front desk. The phrases come from our guide to dealing with difficult owners and heated meetings, which explains the techniques behind them, borrowed from crisis negotiators, mediators and counselors.

Hear, Name, State, Next

  1. Hear: let them finish. Don't correct facts yet.
  2. Name: say back the concern and the feeling.
  3. State: give the board's position or the rule once, with its source.
  4. Next: say what happens now and when. Then follow through.

Acknowledge without agreeing

  • "I can see why that would be frustrating."
  • "It sounds like you feel nobody has listened to you."
  • "That's a fair question."
  • "I understand this isn't the answer you wanted."

Slow it down

  • "Let me make sure I understand. You're saying…"
  • "Help me understand what happened."
  • "What would you like to see happen?"
  • "Let's take this one issue at a time."

Hold the line kindly

  • "I understand. The board's decision is still that…"
  • "I'm not able to change that, but here's what I can do."
  • "That decision belongs to the board. I'll make sure they see your concerns."
  • "How would you suggest I handle that, given what the declaration requires?"

Set a boundary

  • "I want to help, and I can't do that while we're shouting."
  • "I'm going to end this call now. I'll follow up in writing."
  • "Let's continue when we can talk calmly."

Avoid

  • "Calm down."
  • "Those are the rules."
  • "There's nothing I can do."
  • "I'm sorry, but…"
  • "Off the record…"

When it's too hot

  • Flooded? Take a break of at least 20 minutes: "Let me get the facts and call you back at three."
  • In writing? Brief, informative, friendly, firm (BIFF). Answer the question; ignore the insults.
  • Threatened? End the conversation, get to safety, call 911 if anyone is in danger, then tell the board and counsel.
  • Legal question? "I'll share that with the board." Interpreting the statutes or documents is for association counsel.

Talk to association counsel

When a conversation turns into a threat, a demand or a legal question, Hamilton Mikes, P.A. can help the board respond. Call 239-594-7227 or reach us through our contact page.

We're ready to help

Speak with a Florida community association attorney

Tell us about your association and the legal challenge you are facing. Our team is ready to listen, respond, and help you identify a clear path forward.

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Hamilton Mikes, P.A.
8850 Terrene Court, Suite 110
Bonita Springs, FL 34135
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